Just Like Me
by Peanutbutter1
Summary: This is a sequel to my long ago written story 'Goodbye' the best thing about is that it's finished COMPLETE I decided to post it in one huge chunk. Relena and Heero are in for a few new painful painful twists in thier relationship. R&R please
1. Rising and Falling

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing**

**_I wrote a sequel to 'Goodbye' I know I probably shouldn't have, but I did.  I hope you guys likes and compliments the first.  I don't want to take anything away from the first story.  Well anyhow here it is.****  *Wrote this a long time ago just posting it now.  Don't really know what, but hey it's finished so enjoy and tell me what you think. ***

**Just Like Me**

**Chapter 1 'Rising and Falling            **

The sky was dark right on the verge of plunging everything into darkness.  The very beginnings of bright stars were barely present.  The moon wasn't coming out, but Heero wanted to be in the dark.  So dark that he wouldn't be able to see himself in the haze.  Only the stars dotting the night sky to keep him company.  He let out a heavy sigh and reached around his neck to loosen his tie.  He grabbed the small knot and pulled it firmly until it hung loosely on his neck and he undid the first two buttons on his collared shirt.  He drew his legs up and set his elbows on his knees and looked at the blue grass underneath him.  Absently he grabbed a few blades and set them in his palm.  He closed his fist around the pieces and brought the hand up to his face.  Moving almost cautiously he opened his palm and blew gently on the blades and watched them float off into the night.  He felt like that, like he was floating away and there was nothing that could pull him back.  Things had just gotten big, too big for him.  

            Heero put his arm back on his knee and looked toward the sky.  He didn't know what he was looking for or even why he was there.  The yearning seemed to have become stronger.  He still wanted to know what it was that haunted him.  Why was it that he couldn't seem to let go of it and move on?  The war still plagued his dreams.  This battlefield still drew him like a magnet.  Heero took his arms off his knees and locked them behind his head and fell backwards.  The grass cushioned his fall and made a slight 'wuff' when he landed.  He grazed up into the night all the while searching his mind for what it was the haunted him, what made him walk, and search.  

            "I thought I might find you here."  

            Heero didn't turn his head or even give an indication that he had heard the voice.  He looked up for a few moments longer before he answered.  "Relena…" He spoke her name as if it explained everything and why he was there.  It didn't though.  It just meant he knew it was her talking to him.  

            "I waited for you at home.  We were supposed to go out tonight."  Her voice was light and a little bit sorrowful.  

            Heero turned this time to look at her.  Her golden locks were pulled up and away from her face with a few strands cradling her angelic face.  She was wearing a dark blue dress the accentuated her features and made her eyes stand out.  She was beautiful and he had let her down again.  He lifted himself off the ground and back to a sitting position his hands linked in front of him this time and then came to rest on his knees again.  "I'm sorry."  He said finally and looked at the sky.  "I forgot."  

            "It seems you've been forgetting a lot lately."  Relena mused slowly and lowered herself beside her husband.  She didn't make him turn toward her but laid her head on his shoulder and pushed closer to him her arm resting around his waist.  It wasn't long before his arms made its way around her shoulders and his chin rested on top of her head.  He didn't say anything, just held her.  

            Relena snuggled closer to him and closed her eyes.  She hated it when he was like this.  Heero didn't forget, or he never had before, he'd forget their plans, but never the battlefield.  He would zone out for weeks at a time and come here every night.  Sometimes he would refuse to come home and sometimes he would hold her close like this and they would sit there for hours.  He would barely say a word and she would just be there for him.  When it wasn't this he was just himself.  They would joke, play around, argue good naturally anyway, go out.  They would be a family, but always it would come back here and he would be worse than he was last time.  It was something in his past that he couldn't seem to let go of.  

            "Maybe Heero you should talk about it."  She felt him stiffen under her words but didn't pull away.  He didn't say anything either so she continued.  "We haven't been married that long Heero, just a few months but we've known each other for a long time.  I barely hear you speak of your past.  Maybe if you tell me I'll understand."  She felt his arm leave her shoulders and she sat back up and looked at his profile in the night.  It was so regal and defined.  

            "Relena, I don't…I don't really remember that much, but what I do remember I don't want to think about it."  He told her honestly.  He didn't want to push her away like he had last time, when he had nearly lost her, but he didn't want to burden her with his past.  What if she didn't accept it?  What if the monster he had been was too much for her?  He banished the thoughts as soon as they entered his mind.  That wasn't possible.  She'd said she loved him forever, and he knew she'd meant it.  She was wearing the ring he'd put on her finger.  She was his wife.  

            "You don't have to tell me now."  She paused and pulled his face toward her so she could look into his eyes.  "I know it's hard for you to think about, and I know you've told me a lot about yourself, but there is stuff you left out and I think that might be why this field calls you.  There has to be something here that is unfinished.  Maybe if we look at your life together we can find it."  She smiled at him and pulled him close and kissed his cheek.  "I love you."  

            "I love you."  He said truthfully letting a half smile appear on his face.  "Maybe you're right, but not tonight okay.  Just sit with me."  

            "Anything."  She said sweetly and snuggled up next to him again her fingers intertwined with his. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Relena hugged the toilet her hair hanging in strings around her pale face.  She gulped heavily and the pulled one heavy arm off the porcelain and pushed her hair behind her ears.  God how she hated being sick.  After taking a few ragged breaths, she reached her hand up and pushed the silver handle and the toilet flushed.  She watched in quite a sick stupor as her breakfast went down the toilet, again, and perhaps even her dinner from the night before as well.  This had been going on for weeks, weeks of nauseous mornings and sleepy tiring afternoons.  Groaning loudly, she pulled herself to her feet and put her hand on her stomach.  The fluttering was still there but it had calmed considerably.  She swallowed and scraped her teeth over her tongue as the remnants of throw up still tainted her mouth.  Gathering a large wad of saliva she spit into the toilet and flushed it again.  She was going to have to brush her teeth before she talked to anymore representatives.  She certainly didn't want to scare them away with her horrendous breath.

            Giving a weak smile Relena opened the stall door and stepped out of the bathroom stall and went to the sink.  She kept a toothbrush with her at all times lately because of her constant throwing up.  It seemed weird to her she had never been that nervous when she was about to give a speech or at least never nervous enough to throw up.  Opening the flap of her small purse she pulled out the purple brush and squeezed a dab of toothpaste onto it.  The mint flavor burned her mouth, but she figured that was a good thing perhaps burning all the bad breath germs from her tongue and off the roof of her mouth.  

            As she brushed her teeth she looked at herself critically in the mirror.  Her face was pale and her eyes red from lack of sleep.  There where dark circles under her heavy blue eyes that showed even through her make up.  She couldn't remember ever being so tired.  Maybe everyone was right and she was wearing herself down.  It didn't seem right though if anything she should be better with Heero.  She sighed again and sloshed the paste around in her mouth one last time before spitting it in the sink.  She was rinsing her toothbrush when Lady Une opened the door.  

            "Relena?"  She asked and peaked in through the cracked door.  When she saw the young woman at the sink she stepped all the way in and pulled the door shut behind her.  "Are you all right.  I think you ran out of there faster than anything I've seen move."  She smiled and looked at the toothbrush still clutched in her fist.  "Nervous?"  

            Relena nodded.  "I guess that's it.  I don't usually get this bad."  She smiled a little and put the toothbrush back in her purse.  "It's not a good image for me.  You know being nervous running out of meetings all of it is bound to drag me down somehow."  

            "Who ever said this life was an easy one.  Heero just got here though and he's asking about you."  She reached her hand out and grabbed hold of Relena's arm to pull her toward the door.  

            "What did you tell him?"  Relena asked reluctantly.  "Did you tell him I was sick?"  

            "No."  Une shifted a little.  "I didn't know at the time that you were sick, but come to think about it you've been sick a lot lately.  You think it might be stress?"  

            "Please don't tell him that."  Relena said exasperated.  "Last time he thought I was sick he locked me in the house for a solid week and refused to let me leave.  He's too overprotective and besides he has other things to worry about."  

            Lady Une raised her brow in suspicion but opted against saying anything about it.  "Any way they're all asking for you in fact.  It seems that Hilde and Duo are in town again and they have some news."  

            "I thought they hated this kind of stuff."  Relena snorted.  "At least I know Duo does.  He hates dressing up."  

            "Well then you know whatever it is must be really great to get him down here and in a suit no less."  Lady Une smiled and grabbed Relena's arm and pulled her toward the door again.  "Now lets get out of here and get this little get together taken care of so I can go home.  Mariemaya has been a handful lately and she's driving the babysitters nuts."  

            Relena laughed at the thought.  What would Mariemaya be doing?  The possibilities were endless.  "Well when they hit those pre-teen years…" Relena mused.  

            "Don't even joke."  Lady Une exclaimed exasperated.  "The girl is incorrigible."

            "Oh but you love her for it."  Relena commented as they stepped back into the hall of delegates. 

            "She reminds me of Trieze.  You know in her personality.  They were both very strong willed and Mariemaya is determined to get whatever she wants."  

            Relena laughed lightly her stomach feeling better already and relaxed slightly when she caught sight of Heero standing with Duo and Hilde a slight scowl on his face.  He was still thinking about the field and probably fighting the urge to walk it right now, but sometimes, for her, he would ignore it.  Usually that meant he was coming back again.  

            Heero looked up his intense blue eyed gaze falling on hers.  He lifted the corners of his mouth in a slight smile, but his eyes told everything he couldn't say aloud.  He was happy to see her and he loved her.  It was all she needed and all she had ever wanted from him.  When she reached his side he wrapped a possessive arm around her waist and pulled her to him.

            "Where were you?"  He asked his warm breath tickling her ear.  

            Relena swallowed.  She could never lie to him.  "I was in the bathroom."  There was no reason for him to ask why that would have been obvious so she was safe on that aspect.  "Why did you almost have to talk to someone?"  She joked.  

            "They kept asking me where you were.  A few seconds more and I would have killed them all."  He added lightly.  His voice didn't give a hint of any joking, but Relena knew he was.  She smiled and elbowed him.  

            "One day someone will over hear you and take you're threats seriously."  

            "Hopefully."  Heero responded immediately.

            "So what's the big news."  Lady Une asked not wasting anytime.  

            Duo grinned widely and put his arm around Hilde.  "Well Hilde's…"  

            "Pregnant."  She burst out joy overflowing from her lips.  

            "Babe, I wanted to tell them."  Duo pouted, or tried to the smile just wouldn't leave his face.  

            "Hilde that's wonderful!" Relena cried and reached out wrapping the girl in a hug.  "I can't believe it.  It feel like you two just got married!"  

            Heero reached out and took Duo's hand in his.  "Congratulations Duo, and I mean it."  Heero said mildly and clasped the other man's shoulder briefly before letting his gaze fall back to the floor.  He still wasn't good at this range of emotions thing.  He was getting better though. 

            "Thanks man."  Duo grinned and looked over at Hilde who was chatting exuberantly with Relena and Lady Une oblivious to the people sending them strange looks.  "I never thought of myself of being a father until I met Hilde.  Do you ever think about it Heero, about being a father."  

            Heero frowned, thinking.  He couldn't imagine himself a father.  How would he ever be able to take care of something so small and fragile?  The mere thought of making a life made his blood race with fear.  "I don't think I'm cut out to be a father."  Heero replied honestly as he gazed on Relena wondering if she would want children, if she thought about it.  

            "Don't sell yourself so short man."  Duo added worriedly.  "You didn't see yourself falling in love either."  

            "Hmph."  Heero replied finding it the only answer he could give at the moment.  He really didn't think he'd have to think about it.  He was really pushing it with Relena as it was.  He didn't know if it was possible for him to be a role model.  He had done some many horrible things in his life…how would he ever be able to raise a son or daughter.  

            Heero listened idly to Duo as he chatted adding a few words in here and there but he mainly watched Relena.  Her face was absolutely glowing with the news.  Could she possibly want children and would she after knowing what he had done so many years ago. 

            Relena could feel her husband's eyes on her and turned around for a moment and met his penetrating gaze.  She sent him a warm smile expecting something back, but he just dropped her gaze and looked at the floor.  Relena frowned, that wasn't like him.  Something was bugging him.  She decided to ignore it for now and turned back to Hilde.  There would be plenty of time to talk to him about it later. They were still yet to have their talk and he was due.  

**So how is it so far?**


	2. Revelation

**Disclaimer:  I don't own Gundam Wing**

**Just Like Me**

**Chapter 2 'Revelation'**           

"Well that was unexpected."  Relena said as sat on the corner of their bed and undid the buttons of her suit jacket.  

            "What was?"  Heero asked from the bathroom his voice muffled slightly because of the toothbrush in his mouth.

            Relena repressed a giggle.  "Duo and Hilde.  I didn't think they'd have children so soon.  Last time I talked to her she seemed pretty distressed."  

            Relena heard him spit into the sink and turn on the faucet before he answered her again.  "You mean about their financial problems?"  

            "Yeah."  Relena raised her brows in surprise.  "Did he tell you?"  

            "No, Quatre did.  It seems Duo took a large loan from him recently.  Quatre said he was glad to do it, but Duo didn't want anyone else to know."  Heero walked out of the bathroom clad in only his boxers and ran a hand through his hair.  

            Relena looked at his chiseled chest, admiring it for a moment, before she turned back to l his face.  He was smirking at her.  So he had seen her traveling eyes, but she knew for a fact he couldn't keep his eyes off her, or his hands for that matter, they were even.  Taking that into account Relena continued to remove her suit.  She lifted the shirt over her head leaving her only in her bra and skirt.  She was about to take that off when she felt something grab her wrists and before she knew it she was pinned to the bed by a very handsome man, who happened to be her husband.  

            Heero was staring at her intensely his eyes taking in everything.  He loved her, everything about her.  Her skin her voice, her breath…  He let out a slight sigh and leaned down to capture her lips in his.  The kiss was only momentary but it held more meaning than any emotion they could verbally express.  "You know I like to do the undressing."  He told her his express all seriousness.  

            "Well you did yours without me, so I couldn't wait."  She replied impishly and tried to remove her wrist from his soft hold but he pressed them further into the mattress to stop her struggle.  

            "Not all of it."  He replied boldly and in one swift motion he released her hands and held them with only one over her head.  With his extra hand he ran it down her side tickling her skin and marveling at the smoothness of it.  All the while his eyes never left her smoldering gaze.  His fingers reached the zipper of her skirt, and he drew it down slowly and closed his eyes as he bent down for a kiss.  He continued to work the skirt down her thighs and off her slender legs all the while kissing her.  His lips eventually left her lips and he moved to splatter kisses down her neck, his hand still running over her thighs squeezing them gently.  

            "Oh Heero…" Relena half moaned as he kissed further down her chest and finally released his hold on her hand.  She immediately place one on his back and her other ran over his chest.  One of her legs wrapped around his at the knee pulling him closer to her.  His hand left her legs and went up to tangle in her hair as he moved up to kiss her again.  

            Heero was drowning in the feel of her.  The way her warmth wormed its way into his heart and claimed it brought it to life and set it free.  He was soaring and just as suddenly as he was on top of the world, he fell.  'Did you ever think about being a father?'  Out of no where Duo's words entered his mind like a bucket of cold water washing over him and dousing any sexual arousal from his body.  Suddenly he became very aware of what this led to.  Relena could very well end up pregnant and he would be a….  The word wouldn't even come clear in his mind as he dropped her lips and pulled himself off her.  He knew he was leaving her confused and probably hurt, but he couldn't do it.  He couldn't do it consciously knowing he might create a child, a child he wouldn't be able to take care of and possibly not love.  .  What if it was to grow up just like him? Relena was on birth control, but he knew it wasn't a hundred percent effective.

            "Just like me."  He whispered as he wiped the perspiration from his forehead.  Any excitement he'd felt was dying quickly, and when Relena finally recovered from his hasty retreat and wrapped her arms around his shoulders; kissing his ear it was gone.  

            "What's the matter?"  She asked her voice still low with arousal, but he couldn't bring himself to finish what he started, no matter how much he wanted to.

            "I don't want to do this."  He told her hastily and shrugged out of her hold.  

            Relena fell back on her heels and covered her chest with her arms.  "Why not?  What did I do?"  

            Heero hung his head.  He'd managed to do it again.  He'd hurt her again.  He'd denied her something he'd never done before and he could hear the hurt in her voice.  "Nothing.  You didn't do anything."  

            "Then what's the matter?"  Her voice was so soft and hurt.  

            He wanted to tell her, but suddenly saying 'I don't want to have your child' seemed too cruel to let escape his mouth.  He didn't know how to explain it so he kept silent.  "I'm tired."  He lied lamely and lay back down pulling the covers down with him and on top of his body. A while later he heard her crawl to her side of the bed and nestle under the covers.  There was nothing but a deafening silence between them.  

            Heero felt cold without her next to him.  She always slept tucked in his arms keeping his demons at bay and the nightmares away.  Should he even try to pull her to him?  In the cold darkness he heard a sniffle.  Rolling over he heard it immediately quiet and he wrapped his arms around her warm body and pulled it to his chest.  Almost instantly he felt better.  Pressing a chaste kiss onto her head he whispered.  "I love you Relena."  

            It took a moment of silence, but an equally heartfelt reply reached his ears.  "I love you too."  With that said she latched onto one of the arms looped around her and grasped his fingers.  Bringing them to her lips she kissed them lightly and snuggled against him.  "Goodnight."  

            "Goodnight."  Heero whispered back and eventually fell asleep.  Just having her near made him feel better, perhaps when he understood his fear more fully he'd tell her what was bothering him.        

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```

            Relena woke the next morning to find Heero already gone.  Her side was still warm from having him so near, but it could all just be in memory.  His actions the night before still baffled her.  He had seemed to very willing and then in an instant he didn't want anything to do with her.  It was odd and had made her ache with hurt, but he'd rolled over pulling her to him, whispering the words she'd waited for so long to come out of his mouth.  What had happened?  What was making him behave so strangely?  

            Letting out a sigh, Relena stretched and threw the covers away from her body.  She didn't feel so bad this morning and fact she felt really good.  That was unusual.  She did have a big meeting today and it seemed her stomach would do its worst when that happened.  As if on queue her stomach suddenly lurched.  "Oh no," Relena bit out before she dashed for the bathroom to once again throwup.

            After her third dry heave Relena flushed the toilet and slunk wearily to the sink to brush her teeth.  This had to be something more than nerves, or stress.  Though, she had to admit that after she emptied the contents of her stomach she felt much better.  There were no other symptoms expect for her weariness.  Sighing, she looked in the mirror at her paled complexion.  Though her thoughts were somewhat dwelling on herself she couldn't help but fall back on Heero and wonder if he was ever going to talk to her like she wanted him to.  They'd known each other for so long.  He was her best friend, she told him everything, but it didn't seem as if Heero felt the same way.  Relena shook her head.  She was being ridiculous.  Heero loved her.  He told her every night.  Slowly a thought wormed its way into her mind, 'maybe love isn't enough'.  Relena frowned at her reflection and turned away from the mirror to take her shower.  

            As the healing spray of warm water cascaded down her back she didn't think about anything.  Closing her eyes she leaned against the shower wall.  The soap from her hair rinsed down the drain in heavy suds.  She was about to pull back up when something hit her.  Her stomach seized suddenly and her world was blackening before her eyes.  There where black spots on everything as if someone had cut holes in her reality.  Falling to her knees Relena grasped the soap dish trying to balance herself but it slipped from under her wet fingers and she fell to the shower floor unable to escape the pain.  One hand on her stomach and the other on the floor she gasped until the spots faded and the pain receded.  

            Blinking back tears Relena rose to her feet and turned off the shower.  The pain was only a dull ache but she was scared to death.  What if something was really wrong?  Instantly she wanted Heero with her, but one thought of his behavior last night pushed the notion away.  He had enough problems and this was probably nothing.  Shivering with a sudden cold she stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body.  Dripping water on the floor she made her way to the mirror and picked up her hairbrush.  Running it though her damp locks she knew she'd go and see Sally as soon as she got to the base.

~~~~~~~~~~~ **2 hrs later**

            Relena let her legs curl underneath her body as she waited for Sally to come back.  Her hospital gown did nothing to stop her chills and she was scared.  They had given her so many tests.  Sally came in talking to some nurses using words she didn't quite grasp and poking her with needles.  She didn't know how much more her body could take, or her mind for that matter.  Sally had asked her repeatedly if she wanted her to contact Heero and each time, though hard, she had declined.  Relena rubbed her arms absently and was about to pull on her sweatshirt over her gown when Sally came into the room shutting the door behind her.  

            "Sorry to keep you waiting so long Relena, but I wanted to check everything and it seems the last test I took explains everything."  There was a smile on Sally's youngish face as she glanced lazily at the chart she was holding.  "I think after you hear the news you'll want to call Heero."  

            "What's wrong?"  Relena asked not quite sure if the smile was true relief or just a way to soften the blow of bad news.  

            "Nothing Relena.  You just happen to be pregnant."  Sally pulled the chart to her chest and smiled, she looked about to burst.  

            "Pregnant?"  Relena repeated in disbelief.  "How…I mean I must be about…"  

            "About two and a half months along."  Sally said in a sing song voice.  "The pain was just your body's way of telling you to slow down Relena and to eat more.  You have to remember from now on that you're taking care of not only yourself but your child too."  

            "I had….that's why I was getting sick?"  Relena asked almost stated as she watched Sally's head bob in agreement.  Suddenly a smile light her face when she thought about it.  "I can't believe it."  She giggled.  "I wonder what Heero will say."

            "I have no idea, but I imagine you'll want to have a video camera present to catch the shocked look on his face."  Sally pretended to be zooming in on Relena's face with a camera and began speaking.  "Heero, I was at the doctor's today and I found out I'm pregnant."  

            Relena let her eyes go wide and fact amusement and then let them roll back in her head and she pretended to pass out on her table.  Soon giggles escaped her throat and she smiled.  "Don't call him Sally.  I'll tell him tonight okay."  Suddenly the day seemed a lot brighter to Relena.  

            "Sure."  Sally waved her hand.  "No problem.  I can keep a secret."  

            "Is that all?"  Relena asked as she reached for the jeans she had thrown on in her haste to get to the office.  She didn't even think of the meeting she would have to attend later that day.  She was going to have to go home and change.  

            "Yeah, except I want you to take these vitamins Relena, for both you and the baby.  I know that you're not going to give up your job, but these will help with the fatigue and try to keep the stress level low.  She handed Relena a prescription, which she very willingly took and turned to leave a brief smile in parting.    

            "I will."  Relena replied happily and began to wonder about the little being that was growing in her stomach.  The child she and Heero had created together.  Her heart swelled with joy and she knew she already loved whatever it was.  "I hope you look just like Heero."  She said absently and undid her gown to pull on her sweatshirt.  

~~~~~~~~~~```             

            Heero shifted in his seat and looked at the clock and then back at the room of delegates.  Relena was late.  No she was more than late.  Maybe he shouldn't have left so early this morning, but for some reason he hadn't wanted face her and possibly more questions.  What if something had gone wrong?  Heero lowered his head and glanced at all the impatient delegates and sighed.  Most likely none of them cared about her well being at all.  

            "Where's Relena?"  Quatre asked him suddenly as he leaned over his shoulder and whispered in his friend's ear.  

            Heero shrugged his shoulders in response feeling guilty for not knowing the well being of his wife.  "I don't know.  I left the house early.  Maybe I need too…"  Before he could finish Relena stepped into the room a briefcase in her hand and an apologetic smile on her face.  

            "I'm sorry I'm late gentlemen, but I had an appointment I couldn't miss and it ran longer than expected."  With that she sat in her seat at the head of the table and the discussion began quickly. 

            Heero didn't have much say in any of the proceedings.  They hardly looked at the head of military security anyway.  He was there in case their negotiations went wrong, but Quatre involved himself readily.  Heero was left with much of the time to dwell on Relena and whether or not he should tell her about his doubts.  He didn't like keeping things from her.  Not since the fight that had almost cost them each other.  He didn't want to loose her and last time he'd confided in her he'd felt better, yes he was going to tell her as soon as he could.  The rest of the time he spent thinking of how he was going to say it while sparing her feelings at the same time.  He didn't want her to feel as if he were rejecting her.  Before Heero realized it the meeting was adjourned and everyone was filing out of the conference room.  Heero sat in his seat a moment longer watching Relena pack her papers into her briefcase before he stood.

            Relena looked up when Heero approached and smiled at him warmly.  "Well I think that went rather well despite the fact that I was late."  She said as she stacked a few papers and pushed them into a folder.  

            "I'm sorry."  Heero said quickly before she could say anything else and he could chicken out.  "For last night and for leaving so early this morning."  

            Relena stopped stacking and glanced over at him meeting his apologetic eyes.  "It's all right Heero, but you'll talk to me about it later won't you."  Heero nodded briefly and picked up some of her paper and helped her pack them away.  

            "Tonight."  He said hastily when the last paper was away.  "We'll talk tonight all right."  

            Relena nodded a strange look crossing her face.  "Yeah, I have something to tell you too."  

            Heero nodded.  He didn't know what it was but hopefully there wasn't a problem.  As he was about to leave he turned back to look at her.  "Where were you?"  

            Relena glanced up and smiled.  "I'll tell you when we get home okay."  

            Before Heero could say anything else a file of people pushed their way into the office and surrounded Relena.  They shouted questions and flashed pictures that she smiled happily for them.  Heero watched her moment longer before ducking into the hallway and back to work.  They didn't meet each other the rest of the day. 

**Oh dear…who do you think will spill first and what will the other say????                 **


	3. Tainted Dreams

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing**

**Just Like Me**

**Chapter 3 'Tainted Dreams'  **

It was dark when Heero finally pulled out of the Preventers office and headed home.  He didn't want to go home though.  He didn't want to tell her this.  He just wanted to hide and never come out, but that only lead to his misery.  He had been there, all by himself and it was the most horrifying experience of his life.  His mind and heart never wanted to go through that again. Gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles turned a ghostly white and tired to figure out how he was going to tell her.  How was he going to say that he was afraid of what he would be as a father?  

            The drive home didn't seem to last as long as it should and before he knew it he was pulling into their driveway and walking to their front door.  He shoved his hands in his pockets as he often did when he was nervous or confused and trudged on heavy feet through the front door.  What he didn't expect was for Relena to be waiting up for him.  

            "I'm glad you're finally home."  She said happily and wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a light kiss on the cheek.  

            Heero stood stoke still with his hands still in his pockets as she smiled up at him and kissed his other cheek.  Finally snapping out of his stupor Heero wrapped his arm around her tiny waist and pulled her to him.  "Sorry I'm late."  He remarked off handedly.  

            "No problem Heero, I made us dinner.  So you wanna eat?"  Relena grinned again as if something really wonderful was in the kitchen.  

            Heero raised a brow at her extreme excitement.  It was odd that she ever cooked dinner.  The two of them were so busy they hardly had time for home cooked meals.  Something was up.  Heero searched his mind for an important date he might have missed.  It wasn't their anniversary, or her birthday, or his birthday for that matter.  He didn't have any idea what this was about.  "Yeah, I guess."  Heero replied slowly.  "Why'd you do this?"  The question came out awfully callous but it was too late to take it back now.  He had gotten pretty good at curbing those comments, but with so much on his mind he hadn't thought about the consequences of his words.  She didn't even seem to be paying attention to him though.  

            "Come on."  She called and left him in the hallway.  

            Heero redeposited his hands in his pockets and walked glumly after her.  It made him wonder what exactly it was she had to tell him.  Swallowing slowly he stepped into the kitchen.  It was semi light in an almost twilight effect.  There were candles everywhere.  Her skin gave off a soft glow in the light and for the first time Heero noticed the slinky spaghetti strapped dress she was wearing.  It clung to her curves and made him regret his denial the night before.  

            "What is this about?"  Heero asked slowly.  "I don't think…I mean I didn't get you anything."  That didn't come out right again, but he was nervous.  He had to tell her something that might hurt her deeply and she was being so…she was making it hard.  

            Relena laughed.  "You didn't forget anything Heero.  I just thought that this would be a nice change from microwave platters of lumpy mashed potatoes and the television."  

            Heero let a slight smirk come onto his lips.  "But I like our meals on the couch.  Especially the dessert."  

            Relena smiled again.  "Let's eat okay.  I made something I think you'll like." 

            Heero knew he had to stop this.  If she kept it up he wouldn't be able to tell her and again he might end of hurting her in the end.  He didn't want to hurt or hear the tortured voice he had last night.  "Wait Relena.  I need to talk to you first."  Heero heard himself saying before he could think about it anymore.  

            Relena turned around.  "What about.  I don't want this to get cold."  

            Heero shook his head pulling his gaze from her sweet.  "It can't wait I have to talk to you now.  It's about last night.  I need to tell you something."  

            Relena's face seemed to falter for a moment, but she didn't loose her smile.  "Alright."  She pulled herself away from the stove and sat in one of the chairs at the elegantly set table.  "What is it."  

            She looked so beautiful in the candlelight.  He couldn't tell her in here.  It had to be somewhere else.  "Not in here Relena."  He said sternly his voice sounding harsher then he had intended.  Before she could protest he left the kitchen and headed to down the other hallway.  When he reached it he sat on the couch and waited for her to come in after him.  Pulling on his fingers he wondered how he was going to tell her.  

            "Heero?  What is it?  Is there something wrong."  Relena asked when she finally entered the room.  

            "Yeah Relena."  He trailed off for a moment and looked at the floor.  He didn't want to look at her just yet.  She didn't say anything while she waited.  She always waited for him.  God, he loved her.  "Relena you remember last night at the party when Duo said that he and Hilde where having a baby."  

            "I remember."  Relena said patiently.  He didn't seem to notice the sparkle in her eyes as she mentioned it.  

            "Well Duo was talking to me and he asked me if I ever thought about being a father."  Heero looked up to see Relena biting her lip.  Did he really want to do this to her.  "I told him I don't."  He said in a rush.  With his gaze averted with the words he missed her completely shattered expression.  When he turned back she looked completely calm.  "I don't think I'd be able to do it Relena. That's why I couldn't do anything with you last night.  I knew that if you got pregnant I might not be able to be a father.  That I might not love the child."  

            "Oh."  Relena said her voice completely dead.  "I didn't know you felt that way."  She said finally. 

            Heero looked at her and knew he had hurt her, but he told himself that things would have been worse if he hadn't told her before.  "Maybe later when…"  

            "No, it's okay Heero.  I know what you mean.  I don't think I'd be able to take care of a baby right no anyway."  She smiled and reached her arms out wrapping him in a quick hug.  "I'm glad you told me Heero."  With that said she pulled away from him and smiled shakily.  "When both of us are ready we'll think about a family okay."  

            Heero nodded instantly feeling better.  "I'm sorry Relena.  I should have told you before I married you, but I didn't think about it.  I'm sorry."  

            Relena put her hand on his cheek and rubbed it gently.  "I want to be with you Heero and that's all that counts okay. I love you."  She leaned down and kissed his lips briefly before standing.  

            "Where you going?"  

            "Oh, I uh have to make sure dinner is ready and I blew out all those pesky candles so you wait here and I'll call you when I'm ready again."  

            Heero watched her retreating form feeling as if something was wrong, but Relena had never held anything from him before.  Then he remembered she had said she had something to tell him too.  Before she disappeared around the corner he called to her.  "What was it that you had to tell me?"  

            Relena stiffened when his words reached her.  It was like he was wounding her all over again.  Reminding her of what she had to tell him and what she would never be able to tell him.  It ripped at her heart and she knew she would never be able to answer him without her voice cracking.  Swallowing she did something she had never done to him before.  She put on her political mask and pushed her pain away.  She had never had hide anything for him before.  

            "Oh it was funny actually.  Hilde called me all frantic and wouldn't let me get off the phone.  She was worried about her baby and of course I couldn't tell her anything.  I've never had a baby before, but she made me stay on the line until Duo came home."  She laughed and continued to the kitchen before he came after her.  

            When she reached the kitchen the candles were still lit, but she could smell the food burning on the stove.  She'd forgotten to turn it off.  The whole image was shattered.  Heero didn't want to be the father of her child.  Sinking into one of the chairs surrounding the table, Relena let her head fall into her hands and a few tears slipped from under her eyelids.  The child that was growing in her stomach, the child they had made together he didn't want any part of.  She couldn't tell him.  If she did she would risk losing him.  He had told her he would love her forever, but would this be too much.  

            She was so wrapped up she didn't hear him enter the kitchen until he was lifting her face from her hands.  His fingers came up to brush her tears away his expression nothing but seriousness.  "I let it burn.  I'm sorry."  She said slowly.  "I don't even know why I'm crying."  

            His eyes were so loving, she felt as if she looked into his soul with each glance.  His touch was so sweet.  He did love her, but for how long.  When she started to show she wouldn't be able to hide it from him anymore.  She told herself she should just tell him know, before she made things worse, but she found the thought leaving her when his lips came to her cheeks clearing the salty streams from her face.  He was making up for his lack of affection last night.  She couldn't deny him.  Taking his face between her hands she pulled him gently toward her and claimed his lips in a deep kiss.  She was hardly aware when he lifted her from the chair and lay her on the floor.  The passion consuming them was immense.  Relena didn't care that she was on the floor, and he didn't either.  With the candlelight bathing both in it's faint glow he made love to her, like he had to first time, gently and cautiously.  

            With each kiss Relena pretended she had told him and that he was doing this because he wanted to love her, because he wanted to love them both.  Heero loved her and in these moments he knew about their child and he loved whoever it was too.

~~~~~~~~~````

            Heero awoke with a warm feeling coursing through his body.  Relena and he worked things out.  She understood him, like she always had.  Even though she had cried, he knew it wasn't because of dinner, she wouldn't leave him.  Maybe one day he would tell her the rest of his fear.  Maybe one day he would tell her the things that haunted him and promised his failure as a father, but right now he was just content to lay with her.  

            Her head was pillowed on his bare chest her eyes shut tightly as she clung to him pulling him close to her refusing to let him go.  After making love to her he'd blown out the candles and carried her up to the bed where both of them had fallen asleep.  He didn't remember doing anything like that ever.  Her kisses had almost been more urgent than usual as if she was afraid he would leave, or perhaps fade away.  Unconsciously Heero reached his hand up and stroked the top of her head.  He loved her so much, maybe one day he would be able to have a family with her, but the thought still sent unpleasant chills running through his body.  

            "Heero?"  Relena mumbled her body not yet fully awake yet.  She snuggled closer to him for a moment living in her fantasy.  

            "Good morning Relena."  Heero said happily and turned to look at her placing a kiss on her forehead.  "You want to get breakfast before we have to go?"  

            Relena opened one of her eyes and then the other and sent a lazy smile at her husband.  "Yeah, just let me wake up a little."  She snuggled back against him wishing that he wouldn't deny her if she told him the truth.  She loved him with all her heart.  'Oh God.'  Relena felt her stomach jerking awake again.  'Not now, why now.'  Silently Relena willed the sickness down but it wasn't listening.  Before Heero could react or she explain Relena jumped from the bed and ran into the bathroom slamming the door shut behind her.    

            It didn't take long and she reached the toilet just as her food made its way back out her mouth.  The taste was awful and it burned her throat.  Gagging softly she reached for the handle and flushed the toilet just in time to see Heero open the door.  He was leaning on it sending her one of his glares.  She wasn't going to be going to work today.  

            "I'm fine."  Relena said suddenly as she pulled herself to her feet.  "Really."  

            Heero narrowed his eyes.  "I don't think so.  You're not going in if you're sick.  It'll only make you worse."  With that said he grabbed her arm and gently tugged her back toward the bedroom.  "Now get back in bed."  

            Relena really didn't want to do this.  She wasn't sick and she didn't need him putting her to bed like she was a child.  Maybe it was the fact that she would probably loose him in a couple of months, or that inside she was so angry at him for denying the child he didn't even know yet either way she yanked her arm out of his grasp.  "No."  She said firmly.  Openly defying him.  "I told you I was fine and I have a meeting today.  I'm going in."  With that said she marched past him toward the bathroom to take a shower.  

            "I don't think so Relena.  You're not going to run yourself ragged for no reason, not while I live here."  He strode after her intent on pulling her back, but Relena dodged him again.  

            "I told you I'm going!  I don't need you fawning over me all the time. I can take care of myself."  But that was not what she really wanted.  She wanted him with her.  She wanted to tell him, but that would just make him go away anyway.  She hadn't spoken to him in that tone in a long time and she could tell he was angered by it, but instead of yelling back he stalked out of the room and slammed the bedroom door behind him.  He would be back up to change when she got out of the shower.  'He'll leave you anyway.'  A voice in the back of her mind told her.  'But he loves me.  I know he does.'  'I don't know if that matters much.  You heard what he said.'  

            Relena ignored the voice and stepped into the shower and flipped on the spray.  Already she could hear him coming back up stairs.  He was going to take a shower in their other bathroom; she'd really pissed him off this time.  Sighing she let the hot water run over and placed a hand on her stomach.  "I promise you that no matter what he does I will always be there for you."    

**Once again another chapter finished.  So what do you guys think?        **


	4. What if Love isn't enough?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing**

**Just Like Me **

Chapter 4 'What if love isn't enough' 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ``` **2 months later**

Relena sighed and listened intently as the front door opened and was closed and locked.  It was funny the things you could hear in the middle of the night.  He had been at it a lot lately, going out for a long time and sometimes not coming back till the morning.  The depression that for a while had see sawed between happiness distress seemed to have tipped.  He wouldn't talk to her, but that was because she wouldn't talk to him either.  Every time she looked at him she was saddened by what he would say in another month or so.  She wouldn't be able to hide it then.  She had been hiding it for two months.  Two months of torture for the both of them and every time she thought she might be able to tell him she chickened out.  She didn't want him to leave her.  Was she being selfish?  She didn't know, but she knew that this wasn't going to go on for much longer.  Sooner or later one of them was going to break, one of them had to bring up their apparent problems.  Besides she was already starting to show.    

            Relena closed her eyes and rolled over.  She wanted him to think that she was asleep.  It didn't matter she knew where he'd been anyway.  He was always there.  She listened quietly for his footsteps to come down the hallway.  They did eventually, but they were heavy and dragging.  Something was wrong.  Relena kept her curled position but her ears listened intently as he dragged his way to the door and opened it.  His fingers seemed to slip on the knob and he made a lot more noise than usual.  He was grumbling under his breath.  

            Going against your usual indifference Relena sat up and looked his way.  Heero didn't even seem to notice her watching him.  Consumed in darkness he sank into the chair not far from their bed and began removing his shoes.  His movements were sluggish.  It almost appeared as if he were sick.  His hair was a mess, had hadn't even tried to make it lay flat.  He finally managed to pull his shoe off and looked at it for a moment before he hauled it across the room and letting it bang loudly against the wall.  For a moment he sat there watching the shoe and then he seemed to remember he wasn't the only one in the room and he looked up to see Relena's eyes on him.  

            "Heero?"  Relena started, but he turned from her and began to remove his other shoe.  Relena wasn't sure but there was nothing that would make Heero so clumsy except maybe alcohol.  Rising from the bed and crossing her arms over the chest of her thin nightgown she went to kneel in front of him.  He didn't look at her at first his gaze fixed on the buttons of his shirt as he pain stakingly tried to undo them.  Relena could smell the whiskey on his breath.  In fact she could smell it in his clothes.  He'd had a lot of it.

            Heero was trying to undo the buttons of his shirt without success.  He shouldn't have gotten so drunk.  His vision was swimming and when he thrown the shoe he was almost positive he was going to throw up.  He was about to give up when he felt someone's hands on his.  Looking down shakily he saw Relena undoing the buttons of his shirt.  Her fingers pushed the little buttons through the holes skillfully, but she didn't look up at him.  She didn't look at him much anymore.  He knew he'd ruined it.  He had done something so horrible she couldn't tell him.  It was killing him to have her touch him and seemingly not mean it.  He was sick of the longing looks she would give him when she thought he wasn't paying attention.  He wanted to know what it was she was keeping from him, but something told him she was never going to tell.  

            Reaching a heavy hand out, Heero brushed her hair behind her ear as she worked on his shirt and pulled it from his shoulders.  She was so beautiful.  The way her skin was so pale and bright in the moonlight the way her hair caught every beam of light even in the darkness and gleamed.  He remembered they way they used to laugh with each other.  They didn't laugh anymore.  They didn't do anything anymore.  Was he losing her?  

            She smiled up at him weakly as she pulled the shirt out of his pants and worked one arm at a time out of the sleeve.  Heero tried to smile back, but he didn't feel like smiling.  He only gazed at her.  The same hurt gaze he'd thrown at her every day now.  He was pleading with her to tell him, but she was refusing him every time.  That's why he was drunk.  It was because of this cold love she was displaying that he was out all the time, the reason he had felt compelled to get drunk for the first time in his entire life.  This was killing him.  The urges had returned full force now.  He couldn't escape them.  He went there almost every night.  He was afraid he was losing himself.  He needed something to pull him back. 

            He felt Relena's hands undoing his belt and forced himself back into conciseness.  He watched her slip it from the belt loops and off of him.  She set it on the floor beside his shirt and finally looked up at him again.  

            "Lift yourself up Heero.  I'm going to pull your pants off."  

            Heero complied though his mind completely protested.  It didn't want to move.  In fact moving made him very sick.  He hardly felt her hands brush against his skin as she pulled his pants off leaving him In only his boxers.  He gazed down at her again and frowned.  "I love you Relena."  He whispered to her, but he wasn't sure that's what it sounded like when it left his mouth.  He did love her though.  She was the only one who would ever do this for him.  

            "I love you too Heero.  Now stand up I'm going to help you into bed."  She ducked to the side and put her arms around his waist and started lifting.  Heero was thankful for her support.  His feet weren't exactly listening to him.  Before he knew it he was being lowered onto the bed.  Suddenly he was very tired.  His whole body wanted him to sleep.  

            "Relena, don't leave me."  Heero whispered as he saw her going from his side to the bathroom.  

            "I'm just going to get a cloth to put on your head okay.  You're sweating up a storm."  With that she disappeared into the bathroom and came out a short time later with a dark cloth in her hand.  

            Heero gazed at her as she placed it on his forehead and moved it across his face.  The feeling was soothing and completely relaxing.  Without his knowledge his eyes slid shut and he fell into a deep alcohol induced sleep.

            Relena closed her eyes against the tears that were threatening to fall was his breathing evened out and he fell asleep.  This was bad.  She had never seen him like this.  She knew it was because she wouldn't talk to him.  She had to do something and soon, but her heart told her that if she told him he was going to leave her and she didn't know if she'd be able to take that.  Was it fear or logic running her thoughts?  That she didn't know.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~````

            Heero pried one eye open and then the other.  His head was pounding intensely.  He hardly remembered doing anything the night before.  It was a large blur of bottles of whiskey and an open field.  There were traces of Relena scattered within the midst of the illusions, but mostly he remembered next to nothing.  

            "I know you feel horrible."  

            Heero turned his head quickly and immediately regretted it letting a grown of epic proportions escape his throat.  His stomach jumped violently and he almost lost it right there, but was somehow able to push it back down.  "What…happened?"  He asked.

            "I have no idea sweetie.  You came in plastered."  Relena replied curtly.  

            Heero held his head to steady the shaking and gazed at her.  She was dressed, not for work, but as if she was going to the park or something.  She was wearing a pair of old jeans and a large light blue sweater.  "Where are you going?  What time is it?"  

            "I have to meet Hilde on L-2 she's having a baby shower and you are going to go back to bed as soon as you swallow this Tylenol."  Relena commanded sounding very much like a mother.  "I called the office and told them you were sick."  

            "Why did you do that?"  Heero asked letting his voice rise and wincing when he did.  

            "That's why."  Relena replied.  "There is no way you'll get through the day and you're lucky you didn't make yourself sick.  I was worried that you'd drunk way to much for your system, but you didn't throw up so I guess that's a good sign."  She handed him a cup and two Tylenol, which he took after a moment of grumbling.  

            "I don't want you to go anywhere Relena.  I have to talk to you." Heero said and started to sit up, but his body was not ready for that yet.  He lay back down before he was half way to a sitting position.  

            "I can't Heero I made this promise over two weeks ago.  I have to go."  Relena said again her face doing nothing to hide the fact that she didn't really want to leave.

            "Why can't you make time to talk to me?"  Heero asked suddenly and watched the way her body stiffened.  

            "We'll talk when I get back tonight okay.  You don't feel good and I have somewhere to go."  Relena picked up her bag and started to leave.  She only turned to look at him for a moment before she was out the door.  "Bye Heero.  I'll see you tonight."  

            Heero shut his eyes and wondered how he had let things get so distant between them, how could she have done the same thing.  What was it?  Why wouldn't she tell him what was bothering her?  In fact why couldn't he tell her what was bothering him.  He had to admit he was glad she didn't stay. It seemed he was always putting off their discussion, but then again so was she.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```

            Relena couldn't help feeling jealous as she watched Hilde be showered with gifts from her friends.  Duo even stayed for a little bit proclaiming that it was his responsibility to make sure Hilde didn't except any stupid clothes for their kid.  They already knew it was a boy and Hilde was huge.  She only had three months left.  They way Duo gave her comforting kisses and made sure she didn't lift anything too heavy made her want to cry.  She wanted to imagine Heero doing the same for her, but always his words would come back to her.  'Duo asked me if I thought about being a father.  I don't. I don't' think I could love a child.' 

            A delighted squeal brought Relena out of her stupor and she looked back at Hilde who had just opened the box with a cute pair of baby blue sheep pajamas in it.  "They're so cute!"  Hilde squealed and looked at Relena beaming.  "Thanks Rel, I love them."  

            "I guess they're not so girly."  Duo said adding his impute.  Hilde smacked him lightly and sent him a warning glare.  

            "Don't pay attention to him.  He is a big softy at heart.  You should see the nursery.  He designed it himself."  Hilde laughed as the 'God of Death' turned a deep shade of red and suddenly had to go get a drink.  

            Relena smiled along with the other girls at his embarrassment, but she couldn't seem to bring herself to be happy.  She had no idea how much this was hurting her.  When the gifts were finally over with and the food cleared away it was just here and Hilde.  Catherine, Dorothy, and Sally had already left.  It was only the two of them.  Relena was helping Hilde fold the clothes up when the first set of tears sprang into her eyes.  She couldn't stop the tears, hormones.  Jumping to her feet she rushed to the bathroom and shut the door.  

            She was in the process of dabbing her eyes, trying to salvage her make up when she heard a faint knock at the door.  "Relena are you okay.  What's wrong?"  

            Relena wanted to tell her so badly.  She wanted to tell someone about the little person growing inside her, but she'd kept the secret for so long.  How would she ever tell her?  "I'm fine."  She lied and sniffed lightly.  "Just allergies is all."  

            "Allergies don't make you suddenly burst into tears."  Hilde pointed out.  "Now you let me in or I'm going to get Duo to break the door down and trust me he will."  

Relena laughed a little at the mental picture and unlocked the door letting Hilde in.  She had her hand on her back and her dark ebony hair was up in a clip.  Her eyes were sparkling despite the worry present in them.  Relena knew she was really happy.

"Oh Hilde!"  Relena suddenly burst out and flung herself onto her friend sobbing like she had wanted to since she'd heard the news.  

Hilde didn't know what to do, but wrapped her arms around the sobbing and hugged her.  "It's all right Relena.  It's okay."  She hugged her not really sure why the woman was crying, but she could tell that she was in great pain.  

It took a while but eventually the tears stopped and Relena was able to catch her breath.  Sighing and hiccuping Relena looked Hilde in the eye and with water logged cheeks she burst.  "Hilde I'm pregnant."  

"That's so wonderful Relena!  Why are you crying?  That's great news.  What did Heero say about it."  Hilde asked raising a brow as the girl's face furrowed again and a new stream of tears made its way down her cheeks.  "Oh… the little bastard."  

Relena's eyes went wide as she saw her friend's face transform.  She didn't think she'd ever seen Hilde so angry.  "No," Relena explained quickly, "it's not like that.  It's not."  

"How can it not be like that Relena.  The bastard left you didn't he.  I can't believe after all you two have been through that he would even think about… Oh I'm going to kill him…Duo too…"  

"No, Hilde listen."  Relena reached for Hilde's arm trying to pull her back to attention.  "It's not what you think!"  

"How far along are you now?  Don't worry about Heero I'll make sure he gets what's coming to him…"  

"Hilde!"  Relena screamed finally exasperated.  "He doesn't know all right.  I haven't told him."  

Hilde's eyes suddenly turned back to normal.  "What do you mean you haven't told him yet.  How pregnant are you."  She spied Relena's sweatshirt and sighed.  

"Almost five months now."  She choked back tears and grabbed another tissue from the box.  "He has no idea that I'm pregnant."  

"I'm confused Relena.  What's going on here?  Why haven't you told him?"  Her mind was running wild with possible reasons.  

"You remember the night you told us you were pregnant, at the party."

"Yeah," she said slowly her eyes lighting up, "don't tell me this isn't Heero's child!"  Her hands flew to her mouth and she gasped.  

            Relena could have laughed if her heart wasn't in so much pain.  "No, Duo asked Heero if he ever wanted to have children and he said no.  He told me the day I found out that he didn't want to have kids.  If I tell him Hilde, he'll leave me!"  Relena ended the statement with more tears.  

            "Oh, Relena.  You have to tell him.  You haven't even given him a chance.  He deserves to know."  Hilde shook her head and leaned on the counter.  "Right now I think I should be strangling you."  

            "You didn't see his face Hilde.  If I tell him that I'm pregnant, I'll never see him again."  She swallowed heavily and sat on the toilet and reached for more tissues blowing her nose.  

            "You love him don't you Relena."  Hilde asked suddenly all humor gone from her voice, just concern present.  Relena looked up for a moment and nodded.  "And he loves you right.  He's told you this a thousand times hasn't he."  Relena nodded one more time and blew her nose again.  Hilde waited patiently for her to finish before she continued.  "Then that's all you need Relena.  Love is all you need to get through anything."  

            "But, what if love isn't enough this time.  Hilde what if I have to do this alone.  I don't think I can do this alone."  

            Hilde didn't have any answers for that and handed Relena another tissue as she watched her friend cry.  What if she was right and Heero didn't want kids.  She had seen the way they look at each other.  She didn't want to believe that this would tear them apart?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~````

            "So this is your baby."  Hilde said in awe as she held the picture at arm length to look at.  "I can't say that's she's beautiful, all I see is a big black blob."  

            Relena laughed lightly and grabbed the picture back.  "Shows how much you know."

            "I'm just joking with you Relena.  That's exactly what I said when I saw the first picture of my baby."  Hilde rubbed her stomach and smiled.  "Duo still can't make anything out."

            Relena smiled and glanced at the picture.  "I see her already."  

            "Relena are you still working?"  Hilde asked suddenly her brow raised.  

            "Huh?"  Relena shifted guiltily.  "Yeah I am.  I can't not work.  He'll think something is up."  

            "It's got to be hard on you though.  You're still working crazy hours.  There's so much stress it can't be good for either of you."  

            "I do get tired, but I'm fine.  Sally gave me some vitamins the first time I visited her and they're helping."  Relena confided as she avoided Hilde's gaze.  She didn't mention the intense cramps she was sometimes plagued her no to mention the headaches.  "Besides the morning sickness is gone and I'm feeling lots better."  

            Hilde shook her head.  "Relena, I know this conversation is over, but you have to tell him when you get back.  He might surprise you."  

            "And he might prove me right."  Relena finished letting her doubt run through.  

            "If he does Relena you can come live with us until your baby is born.  I promise that we'll always take you in, all right."  

            Relena smiled weakly in appreciation.  "Thanks Hill.  You're a really great friend."  Relena leaned over and hugged her.  "You're the only person I've told except for Sally and I'm glad I could confide in you."  

            "What time does your shuttle leave?"  

            Relena glanced at her watch.  "Um, in about an hour actually.  I better get going."  Relena picked up her purse and slung it over her shoulder.  "Bye Hilde."  

            Hilde reached out grabbing Relena's arm as she was leaving.  "Tell him tonight all right."  

            Relena nodded.  "I will I promise."  With that she smiled and left the small house feeling a lot better, emotionally, but her child did not like something she had eaten.  She was moving around oddly and giving her sharp kicks.  

            "Calm down baby."  Relena said as she stepped into her rented car drove toward the shuttle port.    

       
   

Well at least she told someone…even if it wasn't Heero 


	5. Overload

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing**

**Just Like Me**

**Chapter 5 'Overload'**

Heero felt a lot better, if not a little stupid, when he awoke for the second time that day.  It was 4 o'clock.  He didn't know what he had been thinking the night before.  He just remembered feeling helpless and then he had spied the store.  Scanning the isles ideally he'd spotted the alcohol practically screaming for him to take it.  So he had and now he was faced with a splitting headache and a constantly nauseous stomach.  Bits of the night before were coming back in small spurts.  He was relieved to remember he didn't driven home, but walked from the park when he'd found he'd locked his own keys in the car.  Then he had remembered Relena the way she had taken care of him undressing him and putting him to bed.  

            Sinking into one of the chairs at the kitchen table he remembered the night he'd told her his fears.  He had thought it was okay, but he had been blinded by his own hope. Tracing the grain of the wooden table with his index finger he replayed the night in his mind he could see the hurt masked in her eyes.  Even the way she had collapsed on the kitchen table sobbing.  He had hurt her deeply and this time he didn't know if he was going to be able to make up for it.  Both of them had pride flooding from their core and consuming most everything.  Pride was their downfall. Sighing in complete frustration Heero ran his hand through his hair and closed his eyes leaning his weight back in his chair.  

            There had to be a talk tonight.  He would make her talk to him if he had to tie her to a chair.  He was going to figure out what she was hiding from him, why she used her political voice with him.  What made her think she had to hide?  It never occurred to him that he would have to spill too.  

            "Hello, Heero."  

            Heero set the chair back on four legs and opened his eyes.  There she was as if summoned standing in front of him.  Her face was red and almost puffy looking.  Had she been crying?  "You're back early…" He said slowly and lay his hands on the table with a slight slap.  

            "No, um, I'm late actually.  I was supposed to be back around three, but I um got talking to Hilde."  Relena said curtly not looking him in the eye.  "Heero…I uh…" She looked up briefly catching his eye and turned away again.  "Never mind."  

            "Wait!"  Heero called after her trying to keep his anger in check, but he was feeling bad and she wasn't helping things at all.  "I have to talk to you."  

            Relena shook her head.  "Yeah I know we have to talk."  She didn't protest much but sat at the table across from him and set her purse on the floor beside her feet.  

            Heero swallowed.  Where to begin?  He had never been good at this.  He still wasn't.  "I know you're hiding something from me Relena."  He stopped when she looked at him.  "I want you to tell me what it is right now."  That didn't come out right.  It came out sounding like a demand but the more he thought about it the more he realized that it was a demand.  He wanted to know and he wanted to know right now.  

            "Listen Heero, I'm not the only one hiding things.  You're still hiding a lot from me."  Relena replied and met his intense gaze with one of her own.  "I demand that you tell me."

            Heero suddenly jumped to his feet his blood boiling.  "This is different Relena.  A lot different."  

            "I don't think so Heero.  We have a lack of communication.  That means that it's a mutual problem.  I think I have a right to know just as much as you do."  

            "Don't throw your political bull at me Relena.  Don't do this.  Don't treat me like a diplomat."  

            "Then don't treat me like a stranger.  I want to help you Heero.  I want to help you figure out your pain, but I can't do that if you won't tell me!"  Relena knew that she shouldn't be doing this, but she really didn't want to tell him.  Despite Hilde's words she was still afraid.  She had so much to loose by telling, and what did he have to loose but his pain.  Maybe if she helped him he would want to have a child.  Maybe if she were able to heal him he would open his heart to the possibility.  Maybe then he wouldn't leave her.       

            Heero growled sat back in his chair.  "Don't force me to tell you this Relena!  I don't want to talk about this."  

            Relena leaned forward taking his hand in hers.  "I'm here for you Heero.  I promise."  

            Heero jerked his hand away.  "Like you have been for the past couple of months.  Like you were last week or the one before that."  He narrowed his eyes.  "I'm tired of playing games with you."  With that said he rose to his feet and stalked toward the door.  

            Relena watched him panic sounding a alarm though her mind.  He was walking out.  He was leaving.  No she didn't want to him to leave.  No!  "Heero don't leave me.  Heero!"   

            He ignored her and continued toward the door.  He needed to take a walk do anything to get his mind off of her.  "Goodbye Relena."  

            'No.' Her mind refused to register it.  He couldn't be leaving her.  He couldn't be.  She hadn't even told him yet.  It didn't even enter her mind that he might only be going for a walk.  "Please Heero.  Don't leave us!"  

            Heero stopped the doorknob under his fingers.  'Us?'  Slowly he turned around just as he caught sight of her tears stained face.  She was staring at him intently her hand outreached as if beckoning him to return.  He watched her unable to move.  'Us?'  As if in slow motion he saw her face contort and her hands flew to her stomach.  Before he could make it to her side she had fallen.  Her blond hair fanned around her face and her eyes were unsteady.  

            "Relena!"  Heero rushed to her side scooping her up in his arms and looking at her.  "Relena!"  

            She turned to him a shaky look in her eyes.  "I'm afraid."  She whispered as her face contorted again and a weak cry escaped her lips.  "Ow…it hurts Heero."   Those were the last words she spoke before her eyes closed and her body fell limp.  

            "Relena!"  Heero yelled again his hands shaking. "Relena!!" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~````` 

            Heero sat in a bright plastic chair in the hospital waiting room.  His hair was a mess from his constant brushing of it with his fingers and his eyes were red and swollen.  His fingers shook even though he tried to calm them.  His left foot twitched.  There was no one around him.  It seemed almost as if he was on the only human being in the world, but a nurse would rush past him every few minutes and he would look up hopefully but they would always pass.  He was desperate for some news.  

            Milliardo watched him do this several times before he walked in with Noin close to him.  His son was sitting on his hip with his little fingers wrapped around his neck.  Heero had called them about twenty minutes ago.  Even when he was trying to sound calm Milliardo had heard the turmoil in his voice.  The man was hurting.  

            "Heero I'm so sorry."  His wife said as soon as she entered the room.  She rushed to him wrapping him in a hug, which he surprisingly returned with zeal.  "Do you know what's wrong?"  She sank into a chair beside him and took his shaking fingers in her steady ones.  

            Heero shook his head not trusting his voice.  At least they didn't blame him, but anything went wrong he didn't know what he'd do without her.  He could still see her pain filled eyes her fell her limp body pressed against him.  He could remember everything.  Their fight seemed so ridiculous.  The only thing that even stuck with him was the word 'us.'  What had she meant?  In the back of his mind he had an idea, but he almost refused to admit it.  Vaguely he heard Milliardo sit in the chair beside his wife. 

            Heero glanced up to catch the older man's eyes just as a nurse turned the corner and walked into the room.  He sat stock-still his eyes glued to her following her every movement until she stopped right in front of him.  "Mr. Yuy?"  She asked.

            Heero nodded unable to speak because of the lump that had built in his throat.  He didn't what he should prepare himself for.  If they told him she was dying he didn't know what he'd do.  

            "Mr. Yuy, I'm Dr. Migel."  She said smiling slightly.  "I'm sorry to tell you like this, but Mr. Yuy your child is in serious danger."  She said bluntly her shining with concern.  "I…"

            "Child?"  Heero repeated his eyebrow rose slightly.  "There must be some mistake.  My wife…"  

            The doctor turned her head to the side slightly.  "Are you telling me you had no idea?"  She asked suddenly and covered her mouth.  "I really had no idea your wife is still unconscious and I assumed that you knew."  

            Heero felt Noin's hand slip around his but he didn't pull away in fact he squeezed it.  He could feel panic running over his body sending chills over his skin and through his spine.  'She was pregnant.'  "I don't understand."  Heero said suddenly his confused expression falling on the doctor.  

            "Mr. Yuy your wife is nearly five months pregnant.  She's had multiple doctors appointments, ultrasounds.  In fact I believe a Ms. Po is her physician."  The doctor sighed for a moment wondering if she should say more.  There must be something that was keeping her from telling him.  Did she even have any right to interfere?  Briefly she reached into her pocket and pulled out a crumpled black and white photo.  "Despite your ignorance of this or not, your daughter is in grave danger.  Your wife went into premature labor about an hour ago.  We're trying our best to keep it from progressing, but if it continues to your daughter won't survive."   Watching his shocked face she lifted the photo and extended her hand so he could take it.  "This is your daughter Mr. Yuy.  I found the picture in her pocket."  

            Heero was shaking.  He didn't know what he was feeling as he fingers cautiously took the picture from the doctor's hand and looked at it.  He could barely make it out, but there she was…his daughter.  His own flesh and blood he would soon be a father and the thought terrified him.  Heero swallowed knowing immediately what Relena had been keeping from him, why she had said 'us', why she sent him longing looks.  He had told her he didn't want children.  "Can I see her?" Heero bit out as he finally managed to drag his gaze back to the doctor.  

            She smiled slightly.  "She's not awake at the moment, but you can stay in there with her if you like.  I can tell the both of you the entire medical diagnosis when we know more."  She added lightly.  "I'm really sorry."  She said slowly and waved for Heero to follow her.  

            Only briefly did Heero turn over his shoulder to look at Zechs and Noin.  The both of them waved him on telling him to go.  They didn't say a word and he wondered briefly if they were angry at him.  It had never really bothered him before, but suddenly he was feeling vulnerable.  He felt exposed.  He had never been so scared in his entire life.  He could loose her.  He could loose more than he had ever imagined in only a short time.  

            It didn't take long to reach her room and when Heero stepped in it was deadly silent.  

            "You can pull a chair up to sit by her."  The doctor instructed.  "I'll be back in about twenty minutes to check on the both of you."  With that she shut the door behind her leaving him alone with her.

The room was dark perhaps to help her sleep.  The darkness seemed to make things bleaker than they actually were, but he didn't bother to turn the lights on.  A small lamp beside her bed was on already casting a soft glow around the side of her bed.  In the dim light he could make out her pale features and caught sight of the plastic tube running from her nose to an oxygen machine attached to the wall.  There was an IV in her arm, but other than that there were no wires.  A slight beep reached his starved ears as it kept track of her life.  She looked so fragile.  

Taking careful steps Heero moved to her side and sank into the chair near her bed.  The picture was still in his hand as he looked from it to her.  Would the child look like Relena?  With soft blond hair and deep blue green eyes or would see look like him, wild brown hair and hard Prussian blue eyes.  Would it more likely be a mixture of the both of them?  He didn't know.  He just wanted her to wake up.  He wanted to hear her soft voice so he could tell her…tell her what?  That he was terrified.  That he new himself well enough to know that he wanted to run for his life and never look back? Leaning further back in his chair, Heero let the picture fall to the floor and gazed at his wife.  Why hadn't she told him?  Would she even want him to stick around when she heard what he was?  The things that haunted his past where so bloody and horrible that they took up residence in his dreams, they plagued his everyday life.  When she heard how cold hearted he had been would she send him away?  Would she hate him for not telling her before? 

**Uck**** I don't like this chapter at all.  The ending was weak, but I hope to make up for it in the next chapter…sorry about that.**


	6. A Smile Like Yours

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing**

- The rest of the story was written a long time ago but this part was just written today, and I must say I'm prouder of it than the rest of the story, rightfully so I hope. ;)

…

**Just Like Me**

Chapter 6 'A smile like yours'

~~~~~~~~~~~````

            She woke while he was away.  He'd headed for the cafeteria with a little prompting from Noin.  Milliardo had stayed to watch over her.  It had been hours since he'd first arrived but it felt like years he'd spent watching her lifeless face.  He'd run his hand over her stomach countless times confused about the baby and what it would mean, that is if it, no she, if she survived.  He'd been told that Relena would probably be okay.  Probably was what chaffed him, probably was not a certainty, and certainty was the only thing that made him comfortable.

            "You want something to eat, or just coffee?"  Noin shifted her son, Max, onto her other hip as she scanned the cafeteria.  

            The thought of food made his stomach turn.  "Coffee," he told her still unsure of why he was down here instead of upstairs holding Relena's hand.  "I really should get back."  

            Noin turned around her saddened gaze falling on him for a moment.  "We'll head back up in a second; just let me get the coffee.  I'm sure Milliardo wants some as well."  She looked at Max for a moment and then back at Heero.  "Could you hold him for me?"  

            Heero hated the way his eyes widened in surprise but it was too late to mask it.  Noin was laughing at him.  Heero shook his head; "I don't…" he trailed off looking very much like a deer in headlights, "I don't know how."  

            "It's not hard Noin promised, besides I don't want to risk spilling anything on him."  She stretched her arms out holding the one year old at arms length, expecting Heero to take him.  

            "I'll get the coffee."  He offered quickly and started toward the line, but Noin stepped in front of him stopping his retreat.  "You're going to be a father soon, just hold him for a minute."  

            Heero thought of Relena, of their daughter.  Of their own accord his arms stretched out taking the small child.  He was scared and from the way Noin was smirking at him, he looked it.  Carefully he tried to imitate her hold on Max placing him on his hip and supporting him with an arm around his back.  "Hurry up."  

            Noin nearly laughed out loud but nodded and headed in the direction of the coffee.  There was a short line and he cursed it inwardly for leaving him with the child.  He really shouldn't be doing this; he should be with Relena, waiting for her to wake up.  Anything but hold Noin's baby and getting coffee.  Max whined.  

            Heero looked to his hip to find Max's expression had changed.  His nose had wrinkled upward his eyes had begun to water and his little fists were clenched tightly.  Heero knew the signs, Max was going to cry.  Panic seized him immediately.  He didn't know what to do.  He looked for Noin but she was lost in the crowd, somewhere in the back of the ever growing line of people addicted to caffeine.  He was alone.  The first cry was soft, almost like a whimper, but the silence didn't last long and Max opened his small mouth and wailed. 

            He didn't know what to do.  People turned to look at him, sending him dirty looks, sympathetic ones, ones he couldn't read and yet the baby continued to cry.  He couldn't shake him, afraid the force would probably break him, or worse yet make him cry worse.  Shaking wasn't an option, what was somebody like him supposed to do?  He didn't have the training, or experience to do this, in the past he'd ended crying with a bullet to the enemies head.  The wails were getting louder and Noin was no where in sight.  He was going to have to deal with this himself.  

            Carefully, Heero removed Max from the position on his hip and laid the wailing child on his stomach, the boys head on his shoulder and his small body against his chest.  He'd seen people rock their children and he wasn't really sure why, but maybe it would help.  He shifted from foot to foot trying to pick out a slow soothing rhythm.  It was helping, he thought the cries were quieter, but Max was still crying.  He'd soothed Relena when she cried.  She liked her back rubbed.  Instinctually he let his hand rub small circles into the child's back a 'shh' escaping his lips.  He stepped from foot to foot rubbing Max's back trying to sooth him until suddenly the crying stopped.  He was afraid to stop moving, afraid the boy would start up again.  

            "Guess I didn't have to worry."  

            Heero looked up still moving to see Noin staring at him, a smile on his face, coffee in her hands.  "I heard him crying, but I thought you could handle it."  

            Heero frowned, "You're wrong I don't know anything about kids."  

            "Yet, you got him to stop crying, that's something isn't it."  Noin winked at him and walked past still holding the coffee.  Heero could do nothing but follow, still pondering Noin's words and his ability to stop the tears.  

            When he got back to the room Relena was awake.  He could see her talking quietly to a nurse repressed emotion in her eyes.  She was about to cry, they must have told her about the baby.  Heero carefully handed Max over to Milliardo ignoring the look the man shot his wife and stepped to Relena's side.  She wouldn't look at him, even when the nurse left and Noin pulled Milliardo from the room her eyes remained on the sheets.  

            "Look at me," he whispered the emotion building in his throat and threatening to spill.  He'd thought she was going to die; he'd been worried about her, about… His gaze traveled to her stomach for a moment before his hand went to his pocket and he felt the crumpled photo.  

            "I can't," she whispered the tears he knew she'd been repressing cascading down her cheeks.  

            "You can," he told her and lifted her chin.  The sight of her swollen red eyes made his eyes moisten.  "You lied to me."  

            Relena choked, "I'm sorry, I didn't lie, I just…" she trailed off.  "Are you leaving me?"  

            Heero felt the fear.  He would never leave her, but he had let her think he would.  "I'd never leave you Relena, I love you."  He grabbed her hand pulling it to his lips kissing her knuckles before leaning forward and kissing her forehead.  "I can't live without you."

            "I, I know you didn't want children and I'm sorry, I didn't try to, I just…"  She trailed off and was silent before continuing.  "When you told me you didn't want children I just couldn't tell you I was pregnant.  I thought you would leave me, that you would hate me, and our daughter."  

            The words stung.  "I could never hate you."  

            "It's not just me though, she's here too," Relena sniffled, "or I hope she will be, God Heero I'm so scared."  Her voice was barely a whisper.  

            "I wish you'd told me."  Heero answered and squeezed her hand.  "I would have still been scared.  I'm scared now."  He thought about Max and how he'd quieted the baby, about what Noin had said.  Maybe it was a good thing that he'd gone to get coffee.  "I made Max cry."  He blurted.  

            Relena grimaced, confused, "what?"  

            "I made Max cry, when Noin asked me to hold him.  Then Noin was gone and I had to stop it.  I thought of a lot of things," He paused, "things I'm sure normal people wouldn't consider, but I stopped his crying, and then he was fine."  

            Relena was still confused.  "I don't understand…"

            "That was the first time I'd ever held a baby, a child, and I didn't kill him.  I fixed his problem.  It wasn't as hopeless as I thought it would be."  Heero watched her watering eyes and put his hand on her stomach caressing it lightly.  He felt her shiver under his touch.  "Maybe this won't be as bad, and maybe what I am what hurt her."  

            "Heero I was never afraid you'd…"

            He cut her off his eyes going from her stomach to her face.  "I was... I am afraid of what I was.  I don't want to be that again, I don't want to be that monster."  His voice cracked.  "I'll tell you everything Relena, everything about me, but don't hate me for it please, and if you still want me for a father.  I'll try.  For you, for her, and for me."  

            Heero knew the conversation was going to have to wait for later.  He didn't want to tell her now, in a hospital when their child's life was in danger it could wait.  He held her hand while more tests were run and kissed her cheeks when she was afraid.  He was strong for her and through it all he felt his attachment to the baby growing in his wife's stomach form.  She was part of him and God he didn't want to give her up.

~~~~~~~~~~``  **Two days later**  

            Relena was sick of being in bed, sick of romance novels, and soap operas on television.  She was actually sick of getting breakfast in bed.  Well maybe it wasn't the breakfast in bed that rubbed her the wrong way, but the lunch, dinner, and snack in bed that followed.  He carried her to the bathroom, carried her back to bed.  It was ridiculous and she was sick of it.  She'd spent her entire life on her feet working, and staying still wasn't something she knew how to do.  After the first day she'd nearly pulled her hair out.  She had to tell herself it was for the baby.  It was doctor's orders at least for a week, and then they'd see.  She didn't think she'd be able to spend the next four months in bed.  

            "Are you hungry?"  Heero asked walking into the room and setting the tray across her lap.  She stomach wasn't that large, but Heero was angry with himself for missing the definite bulge.  He had always had an eye for everything, and he'd missed the physical change of his own wife.  

            Relena rolled her eyes, but nodded.  If there was anything her baby liked it was eating.  She was constantly hungry and her daughter was always kicking in anticipation of breakfast, lunch, dinner, and especially snacks.  Heero poured the bottled water into a glass filled with ice and cut her ham sandwich in two.  

            "Heero, really, I can cut my own sandwich."  Relena swatted his hand and took the knife away before he could finish and did the job herself.  "See and no trauma."  Relena ignored the look on his face and looked at her tray.  At first glanced she'd over looked the other sandwich.  "Are you eating with me today?"  

            Heero nodded, "Yeah, I thought we could talk today."  

            Relena bit into he sandwich and nodded, "sounds good, I'm sick of day time television."  

            Heero smiled slightly and poked at his food for a moment before beginning.  "There's not a lot I remember, like I mentioned before.  I don't know where I came from, nothing at least until I met Odin Lowe.  He taught me a lot.  He taught me how to fire my first gun, when I was four.  He taught me how to kill a man with my bare hands.  He taught me that when ever you're fighting for somebody in trouble it's worth while.  He taught me so much, but it wasn't enough to save him.  He was killed on the first mission he took me on.  I watched him die."  

            Heero swallowed hard feeling the familiar, once foreign, tightness in his chest and throat.  He didn't want to cry, had never cried about it before, but suddenly it felt so real.  He remembered the blood, the smell, Odin carefree smile.  He'd never cried over Odin's body, he hadn't even said goodbye.  Relena had his hand intertwined in hers.  He gathered strength from her touch and continued.  

            "After Odin Lowe I met Dr. J.  A lot of my time with him was spent training.  I never felt a bond with him, not like with Odin but fighting was all I'd ever known.  One day I was free, at least for the afternoon and I went for a run threw the park.  While I was there I met a girl in a floppy pink hat walking her dog…"  

            Heero talked for a long time blocking out everything but his story.  He told her things that had haunted him his entire life, about the girl he'd killed, the innocents he'd shot.  He told her about the bloody things he'd done on the battlefield the lives he'd taken.  He told her all of it in brutal detail leaving nothing out.  To his surprise her hand never left his.  He knew because she squeezed his hand when he told a particularly painful part.  She didn't say a thing and even when he finished and fell against her consumed by tears and upsetting the try she just held him.  He didn't ever remember crying like this.  He'd never thought of the events that happened as being as painful as they were.  Everything boiled out of him at once drenching his face and soul with anguish.  When it was over he could already tell the sun was low in the sky. 

            He lay against his wife his head pillowed on her chest her hands running threw his hair comfortingly.  He nuzzled closer annoyed by the way his cheeks felt stiff and immobile from crying.  He'd never felt so vulnerable under her gaze, even if he couldn't see her face.  

            "Heero?"  

            He stiffened, it had been a long time since either one of them had spoken.  "Yes," he whispered afraid to look at her.  

            "Lift up."  She told him and obediently he lifted his head and looked at her.  "I love you."  She smiled. 

            Heero couldn't help it her smile was infectious and he returned it, and for once didn't feel strange doing it.  Relena grinned wider and laughed, making Heero's smile fade.  

            "What's so funny?"  He asked still defensive.  

            "Nothing," Relena said seriously, "nothing at all.  I was looking at you Heero and at the smile.  I don't think I've ever seen it before.  She raised her hand and brushed him over his lips.  "You know what I wish?"  

            "What?" Heero asked his voice barely loud enough to hear.  

            "That when she's born, your daughter, she has a smile just like yours."  The words brought the smile back to Heero's face and Relena kissed his lips.  "Now how about we pick up all the food we spilled and you carry me to the kitchen.  I feel like spaghetti."  

            Heero was all business as he scooped her up.  "We'll clean up later and I'm sure, our daughter is hungry too."  

            "We really need to think of a name for her.  I'm sick of calling her it, and child, and daughter, she needs a name."  Relena snuggled against his chest feeling her eyes droop as she found comfort in his arms.

            "How about Zero?"  Heero asked.  

            Heero Relena said completely straight faced, "we are not naming our daughter after your Gundam! No way no how."  

**That's the end of the story, but I can't help but want a little more so I'll probably write an epilogue with you guys want me too.  Okay so I've just reread my work and I'm definitely going to write and epilogue.  There are just a few things I need to cap off, but the story is mostly done except for that, so expect the epilogue. Much love Peanutbutter. **


End file.
